But…do I?

Friday, one of my best friends married the love of his life. Seeing them celebrate their step into holy matrimony made me think, Where is my happily ever after?

In 2013 I met my significant other while taking classes at a local community college. Five years late, we’re parents and simply stuck into a routine. As working parents know, it’s very easy to fall into a pattern as the days go by in the blink of an eye but I had goals. I wanted to have my bachelors degree by 25, Married by 28, and children around 30. Life doesn’t always go as planned so it went more like college dropout by 21, child by 24 and no direction in life. Usually, it takes no more than a good episode of ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ for me to begin planning my perfect wedding. But this time was different. I asked myself “Is marriage really for you?”.

My parents, though highly disfunctional, have been married for over 40 years. Growing up, I was apart of a close knit family so all I know is the strong marriage dynamic. My significant other, on the opposite end of the spectrum, lived in a home where his parents were never together, though they are married. His father is Mexican, believing that a man can do as he pleases, with whom he pleases while his wife raises the children and struggles with mental health problems among other things; the typical machismo. Until we started seeing each other, he’d never thought about getting married; marriage does not work!

I love my significant other but when it comes to making me a priority, he falls short. I’m not one to make excuses so I won’t start now. He takes care of his mom who suffers from a number of mental health issues in addition to ulcerative colitis and osteoporosis. She also speaks very limited English, doesn’t know how to drive, and is separated from his father. When we first got together I knew this was the situation. It wasn’t so bad because I had my own apartment while he held a place for him and his mom, though he was at my place majority of the time. Life got rough and I ended up losing my apartment and was forced to move in with them. It wasn’t until then I began to see the true hierarchy in our new family.

My mother in law is Queen Elizabeth on steroids. When she says jump, he asks how high. At first, I felt bad for her. Then I realized, she is a demanding B-I-T-C-H sometimes. It’s not her that’s the problem ultimately, it’s her son. He forgets everyone and everything when his mom calls upon him, which is more often than not. Even after we had our baby, it turned into having two babies.

GOD! WHEN DOES IT STOP!

I reached a breaking point when I lost a much-needed job because he wanted me to choose to help take her to her doctor appointments. Major bummer especially with a preemie infant. I bit the bullet. I declined the job offer. Did that get me any recognition or brownie points? No sir. It was the beginning of my depression; depression that lasted for two years, on and off.

My moment of liberation was re-enrolling into college. I’ve been taking college classes since I was 15 years old but I have NEVER declared a major. I boasted to my family over Thanksgiving dinner 2009 about how I was a pre-med biology student, I was going to be a neurologist. STRAIGHT PAID! BIG BILLS ONLY! Little did I know, three semester later I would receive a certified letter from the Dean of my college informing me that due to subpar grades I’d lost my financial aid and I was being put on academic suspension aka getting kicked out of college. I had failed.

Six years later, I find myself at the precipice of nursing school. I met with a counselor at my local community college who informed me that I only need to take four classes before applying to the nursing program. Taking all of those classes in high school really paid off for me in the end, especially since my math requirement was met by a class that I took in 10th grade. Before applying to the program, I must complete Chemistry, Anatomy and Physiology, Microbiology, and English; the mountain in the distance was a hill.

My focus since has been on self-growth, which is hard when you are in a serious relationship. I am important. How will my daughter ever understand the importance of being an independent strong woman if I can’t do it myself? With this came with many thoughts, including property ownership. I’m not currently married, my career is about to take front seat next to my daughter, of course.

Does that leave room for marriage? The horse and carriage? Am I becoming one of those progressive, feminist that neglects the home for the advancement of her career, or so the story goes? No. I’m improving myself for my childs future. 

Dust Yourself Off

By Jenna

I have a problem. I am a sugar junkie. I like sweet foods. When I am craving sweets, I’m usually craving chocolate. This week I satisfied my chocolate craving by making avocado brownies. Oh man, were they delicious! I made a double batch because I had already mashed up two avocados instead of the one needed for the recipe. I also had used a base recipe which endured multiple changes. Coconut oil is out as a fad and I am using real butter in my cooking when I’m not using another oil. I also had to swap sugars for raw sugar and honey, instead of the called for maple syrup. These changes amounted to a decadent fudgy brownie. They also made sure my already sugar laden treat was even more sinful! I baked the brownie in a bundt cake pan because it is easier to cut up and serve to others.

 

The wet stuff and dry stuff ready to be combined.

I didn’t stop to take a pic until I ate some already!

I didn’t make it so far as to serve my creation with my family though. I ate almost a half the brownies on the first day!! That evening I started my spiral into shame and guilt. I had let myself slip up on food and exercise, and my body is paying the price. I fell off the wagon. I am tired, sluggish, and overall lazy. I am trying to get rid of the rest of my indica too so I can get to the dispensary for sativa. I had gotten some Skywalker because I embrace my geeky side rather than remembering I get mad munchies with indica. I gained a whopping 5 pounds back that I had worked hard to lose.

So, today is a new day! I have a plan to getting back on track.

Step 1: Medicate (Aka get HIGH!)

Of course you know that sativa strains can assist you with weight loss! The sativa helps suppress my appetite. Mostly out of coincidence and some planning, I often wait to cook and eat until after I’ve smoked. I don’t feel the pangs of hunger which drive me to reach for a less than healthy snack.

Step 2: Throw out junk food

I have thrown out the last ⅕ of the still yummy avocado brownie. It hurt to throw that last bit of brownie out instead of eating the deliciousness, but eating it would push me back another day. I also threw out Snack Crate leftovers, more on that in another post maybe. I’m proud of myself that I got all the junk snacks that don’t provide nutrition. There were a few things I kept though. I kept crackers, easy Mac, ice pops, and a little gummy candy because my kids or husband eat those. I don’t typically eat those items, even during my munchie times. While I’m writing this post I’m munching on cucumber with the kiddos.

 

Step 3: Meal Plan

Food is the key to successful weight loss and a healthy body. To that extent, so is a plan for what you are going to eat. When you have a plan for a healthy meal you are more likely to execute that plan. Defrost things a day or two in advance. Use the calendar on your phone to track what you are doing throughout the day. This will let you plan healthy snacks instead of rushing to grab fast food because you and your kids are starving! I have seen the bins in the fridges with the snacks and meals set aside, but those always seem to take a lot of space. Instead, I leave the snacks that my kids, 2 and 1 years old, can grab and eat them without me fearing their quantity or messiness. I don’t plan meals more than a week in advance because life changes too much. I use a weekly whiteboard from the dollar section at Target.

 

Step 4: MyFitnessPal

I have learned that I am most in control of myself when I am accountable for what I eat. Even when I eat the same thing every morning, actually logging the food has helped keep me in the habit of logging my food for lunches and dinners. It also helps that I can simply scan the barcode and the nutrition and serving size is added for me. I can also track my weight loss and goals with the app.

 

Step 5: Water

A healthy body starts with what you put inside. I don’t drink enough water, period. I haven’t tried to do the water challenges. This is what I am working on doing today. I’m not a fan of carrying around a gallon of water with me, but I’m at home most of the time. I have a 24 oz Contigo bottle that helps me keep track. If I can drink a minimum of two per day I’m good. If I can drink 3 a day I’m hitting my “recommended amount”. One thing I am doing different is adding fruit and veggies to my water. My favorite foods to add are lemon, mint, cucumber, and chili powder. (Not all at once).

 

Step 6: Exercise

A short 30 minute, high intensity workout is all I need to get my body rebooted. I need a fast exercise to restart and boost my metabolism. I have a short workout that can be done in 30 minutes and gets my heart rate going. It is primarily body weight exercises that require me to use multiple muscle groups so I can get back on track.

 

Here I go, it’s time to jump back onto that fitness wagon. Once I get my routine started up again, I will feel stronger, more alert, more active, and most of all healthier! Got any questions or comments? We want to hear from you!

 

July 3rd, My Independence Day

While America is celebrating it’s 241st birthday, I’m celebrating my 2nd. July 3, 2015 was the day of my rebirth. My second coming. That is the day that I became a mom. As a person that vowed to never have children, I’m so much happier as a parent. Sometimes life gives you blessings, wrapped in tragedy.

I found out that I was pregnant at 27 weeks. How the hell did I make it 27 weeks without knowing that I was pregnant?!

Let me answer all of the FAQ:

Was I on birth control? Yes. I used the birth control patch faithfully.

What about missed periods? There were not missed periods. I had my normal menstrual cycle until I removed the patch.

Did you not have morning sickness? Uh no. I medicate daily so I never experienced any of the nausea, vomiting, etc. that comes with pregnancy.

Don’t worry. There is only a 1% chance of this happening to you. I was that 1%. For the first and only time in my life I was in the 1%. Yay me! The only symptom that I had was weight gain. I attributed this to my love for a good joint and munchies. My SO and I were in the gym as much as my new found plus sized body would allow. I went as far as taking laxatives because I was constipated, explaining the extra belly weight.

I don’t know how far I would have made it had I not woke up wet in the middle of the night. I thought that I had pee’d myself, so I rushed to the bathroom. As I removed my bottoms I smelled semen. Ladies, you know that smell. The liquid that was dripping from me smelled like semen, with a consistency more slippery than water. No matter that I did, I could not get the dripping to stop. I thought that my bladder was malfunctioning so I pushed with all my might, forcing a stream of water out. The dripping continued. I put on a pad and went back to bed.

The next morning I made a appointment with my gynecologist. There weren’t any appointments until Friday and it was Monday. By Wednesday, I knew something wasn’t right. I was going through about 12 pads per day. My best friend had done research on the mysterious fluid but kept coming back with amniotic fluid. How could it be amniotic fluid?

“You are most definitely pregnant. Let’s check the babies heart beat…”

As my gynecologist stepped out of the room to retrieve his utensil, my brain completely stopped. PREGNANT?! I’m planning a trip to Las Vegas in a few months, how can I be pregnant?! It was too farfetched for me to comprehend until I heard the strong heart beat coming from my uterus. Woah.

“Not sure of how far along you are but if the measurements are correct, you are about 27 weeks. I’m going to send you to a specialist since you are having this leaking.”

That was not what I wanted to hear AT ALL. I remember driving home, crying to my best friend over the Bluetooth, telling her how my life was over. There was a part of me that was excited but mostly I was shocked and scared. My SO is seven years older than me but I felt that he too was not ready for a baby; how wrong I was. He was beyond elated! His entire family was ecstatic. That’s when I remembered, my mom and dad.

Even though I was 24 years old, I was terrified to tell my parents. They noticed that I’d gained a lot of weight but thought I was just over eating. My dad questioned me about being pregnant on separate occasions but I never took it seriously.

I met with the specialist 4 days after finding out that I was pregnant. My SO and mother-in-law went to the appointment with me. It was so nerve wrecking watching the doctor take measurements of my baby on a ultrasound. This would give me the actual factuals. Was the baby healthy? How far along am I? Is it a boy or girl? The doctor finished the exam after 20 minutes of clicking buttons and turning knobs.

“Let’s start with the easy part: it’s a girl. You are 27 weeks and 5 days. However, you have a hole in your amniotic sack so your amniotic fluid is very low. The good thing is you are holding some fluid and as long as the baby is still making it everything is fine. But we have to admit you to the hospital.”

“Admit me? Can I go home first?”

“If you don’t go straight to the hospital from here, you must sign a waiver stating if anything happens to you or the baby we are not responsible.”

This was serious. We immediately drove to Cedars Sinai to admit me to labor and delivery. It didn’t click that I would be staying until that evening. The head nurse came to explain our plan for the next 7 weeks. Ideally, our little bundle of joy needed to make it in the womb at least 35 weeks. BUT should she come early, we were hoping it would be after 30 weeks. At 30 weeks, the brain is fully developed which is vital.

The days went by slow. Sitting in a hospital bed, watching hospital T.V, eating hospital food, isn’t as glamourous as it seems. Besides the nurses coming to put me on a fetal monitor every three hours, it was quiet. My naps were frequent and long. It wasn’t until around 7pm, after a long days work, that my SO would show up to stay the evening with me. This was our routine.

My first night I started having terrible back spasms. When I was 10, I broke my tailbone. Those hospital beds are not for people with back injuries. It got so bad that they had to give me Norco (pills that are stronger than Vicodin) twice!

On July 1st, my back spasms were particularly bad. I found myself pacing at 2am because the spasms kept me from laying in bed more than a few seconds.  The next morning, my doctor gave the green light for me to have Norco for the second time. It made me feel like crap. I just wanted to curl up into a ball. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I was MISERABLE. Suddenly a wave of nausea swept over me, causing me to jump from bed and rush to the bath room. I squatted and strained against my the toilet as my stomach heaved, empty. When I stood up, there was a huge pool of amniotic fluid on the floor. I was constantly leaking so I assumed this was okay.

I crawled back into bed just as the nurse entered.

“You don’t look like yourself. How are you feeling?”

“I think the Norco made me sick. I’ll feel better once my boyfriend gets here.”

It was Wednesday so we were planning to watch the Fox tv show Wayward Pines. The baby had other plans. Around 9pm, as the show was starting, I couldn’t take it anymore. The pain was at a 10. I thought that maybe it was because I was constipated from all of the prenatal vitamins.

“I’m going to try to poop. Maybe my back will feel better.” I scuffled to the bathroom.

As soon as I sat on the toilet and pulled my hospital issued mesh undies down, blood streamed into the toilet. There was blood everywhere.

I could hear my obstetrician, “If you see blood, tell the nurses. You are going into labor.” I was going into labor. I took a deep breath before reentering the room.

“Babe, get the nurse. I think I’m going into labor.”

“DON’T SAY THAT! WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!”

“BECAUSE I’M FULL OF BLOOD! LOOK!” I lifted my hospital gown to reveal the horror scene underneath. He didn’t say much of anything after that. Just rushed to get the nurses who immediately came to examine me.

“You are most definitely in labor….3cm dilated.”

As I was wheeled out of the room, I looked up at the board where we would count the weeks and days. 29 weeks, 5 days. Missed 30 weeks by 2 days. You’re killing me smalls!

Seven hours and 20 minutes later I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl; all 2 lbs 15oz of her.

This changed my life forever. I found a new appreciation for life as I entered a new chapter of my own: Premie Mom. Spending 46 days in the NICU was the hardest time of my life. Never knowing if my child would be okay from one day to the next. Waiting on brain scan results. Learning to breastfeed. At the end of my experience I was a new woman and mom.

 

Vegas! Here WE Come!

By Jenna

Alrighty then! Update on my packing for Vegas trip while I smoke!

Today I am smoking on Skywalker. It is an indica that is super fresh and light. It isn’t super sticky, but it has an amazing smell!

I started my packing a few days early because I get super stressed and anxious (not the fun kind, the kind that makes you hyperventilate  and unable to focus), hence medicating.

So, a full three days in advance I made a list of everything I want to accomplish before we head out. It ranged from cleaning the kitchen table to getting the pets ready. I knew I wanted my apartment cleaned because my parents are checking in on my cat, Padme, while they babysit my dog, Evee. Ya, I know, I’m nerdy and named my pets after Star Wars and Pokemon. I also knew I needed to get all the clothes washed and packed before the day we actually leave.

Yesterday, I washed and packed all the clothes needed. My Littles are small so they only took one gym bag, while me and the hubby used the full space of my larger luggage. I am a pretty light packer in general. I also cleaned the house and prepared the dishes for the dishwasher. My hope and intention was to only leave a few pieces to the departure day.
Which brings us to today, I still have to pack the truck, but I needed to make a run to Target first! I spent more than expected, as usual. I still need to get the toiletries ready to go, but that has to wait until the hubby is showered. Man he stinks after coming home from work! That’s what happens when you fall for a hard working man.

I’ve also run into a larger problem. My father-in-law is coming with us on our Vegas vacation. He is staying in the room with us, and will basically be with us all the time. He can’t know I smoke cannabis. I tossing ideas with Leigh; she had a suggestion that warranted note. Leigh’s recommendation is to smoke in the bathroom with the shower on and a towel under the door. The water adheres to the smoke and draws it out of the air. This didn’t take away the issue of the smell, so I’m out of luck on that front. My best hope still remains with edibles. There is no smoking, I can eat it in public, the high lasts for HOURS, and I don’t smell. So, it is off to the dispensary for me, because I was lazy the last two days and didn’t go already!

I’ll post again upon my return! Viva Las Vegas!!!

 

 

High Hemp Organic Wraps

Disclaimer: We do not endorse the use of ANY tobacco products.

I think I’m in love. I purchased High Hemp Organic Wraps, non GMO, tobacco free, vegan hemp wraps. A product of Amsterdam that has found a place in my heart.

Quality 8/10

People smoke blunts because they don’t know how to roll joints…at least for me that was the problem. The tobacco wrap was stronger than flimsy zig zags but had negative effects on my health. The High Hemp wraps feel just like a blunt wrap at initial feel. It wasn’t until I attempted to tear it in half that I started to notice the difference. This is not a wrap you can use to roll multiple blunts. I folded and ripped the wrap horizontal,to my surprise, it exploded in my hands. Don’t get me wrong,I was able to get the smaller piece that wanted but the other was trash.

Taste 9/10

At the time of purchase, the dispensary(who shall remain nameless due to mediocre, at best, flower and sub-par customer service) had original or mango flavor; mango is ALWAYS the way to go. Unlike the typical wrap, the smell and taste were so subtle. It wasn’t until I was actively smoking that I started tasting mango on my lips.   

Smoke 9/10

These wraps come +CBD. The morning after smoking,I felt great. No signs of THC hangover (heavy eyes, raspy throat, feeling like shit). Unfortunately, when I lit it, it began to run. I was able to correct the issue without ruining my smoke sesh. It was nice that the pack included filters, a huge plus.

Conclusion

Overall score: 8

Will I be purchasing these wraps again? Yes. They were only $1. For that price, this is a pretty reliable product. Besides that, I feel that this is a good way to smoke a blunt sin tobacco.

Would I recommend our followers give it a try? ABSOLUTELY! High Hemp is the way to go! All of our followers should visit their website https://www.highhempwraps.com/ to get a better look at their line of products.

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Canna be a Nurse?

School has been something of the past for me in recent years. After I had my daughter, my inner warrior convinced me that even with a premie I could continue with classes. How wrong I was; dropped/failed every class. The spring semester rolled around and I did the same thing. For me, it was a major disappointment.

By 24,I planned to be well on my way to becoming a neurologist. Instead, I was a new mom with no career in sight. I still yearned for more but it was all a dream, until recently. I’ve watched my friend of twenty years go from working a 9-5 to completing nursing school. I’m not going to lie, I was hating when she told me that she would be graduating this December. What happened to my life? When did I get so comfortable? I consulted with my support system (my SO, Jenna, and BFF)….

I’m going back to school y’all!

It’s something that I’ve wanted to do. I feel that I’m finally ready, especially since I have a solid baby sitter. Last week I visited my local community college to meet with a counselor. Meeting with a counselor and having no plans to discuss is a huge NO-NO. I had to have a major, a program in mind. What better than to revisit where I started: medicine. I decided to follow in the footsteps of my friend, pursuing nursing.

Now that I had a plan, it was time to gather all of the transcripts from every colleges I’ve attended. Mind you,I started taking community college classes in 2006, while I was in 10th grade. 5 schools and 30 bucks later, I had all of my transcripts. My biggest concern was that I’d have to take a huge amount of math. Unfortunately, it’s not my strong suit. It high school, however, I took a statistics class at UCLA and got a C. I prayed that this would cover my math requirement. My luck is never that good…

“Your math requirement is met. So you only have about 3-4 classes before you can apply to the nursing program.”

All of that over achieving paid off! With my math requirement met,I can move onto my science classes. In the fall, I will be taking with Chemistry 4 or Chemistry 20. The counselor recommended that I take Chemistry 20 (Fundamentals of Chemistry) because it is better suited for someone going into nursing. I’m considering taking Chemistry 4 because it’s been 10 years since I’ve taken Chemistry.

Choices. So many choices.

I’ll keep you guys updated.

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