The Creative Struggle

By Jenna

I live a good life. I have a wonderful husband and two fantastic children. We live in a one bedroom apartment with our dog and cat. My husband has a good job and I am a full time student. That last part is what makes our lives a little more difficult. Being a full time student and a mom has put me in a position where I need to be a stay home mom instead of working mom. Though the trials that led me to this position were less than friendly, I am almost done with school and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The hardest part of being a stay home mom isn’t taking care of the children constantly, it’s the struggle to keep our head above water.

 

In 2014, my daughter was born. I had a good job working in hospice as a team coordinator. Right as I was asking to go back to work from a set maternity leave, not paid for by the company since they only would allow me to work per diem, the company advised me they were looking to downsize. Guess what that meant. The person who worked nearly 40 hours a week on per diem and had just had a baby was now the most expendable person in the company. My boss had refused to give me a termination notice for fear that I would take legal measures. I had begged her at least to write a letter for my apartment so I could get out of my lease. Without a job, we couldn’t afford my previous apartment. My boss refused and instead wrote a letter saying it was my decision to be a stay home mother instead of work. I cried because her lies and fears were controlling her actions to make my life harder than it was already.

 

I did not sue the company for wronging me. I did not have enough funds to hire a lawyer and I knew my heart couldn’t handle a new baby, searching for a job that would pay me enough, and a lawsuit. It simply wasn’t worth the misery I would have experienced. Instead, I went back to school. It was a long term goal of mine to have my BA in History. I chose history because I am passionate about history. I have one more year of school and I want to share how my little family of four survived this far on a single income in Orange County California.

 

When I started school, about 2 years ago, I was working a part time job making calls for a company, but wasn’t even making grocery money. This, plus my husband’s $20 an hour income was just enough to get us through my first year with our first newborn. Part way through the first year, we had to get creative with our finances because there was another baby on the way. We already had school debt from both my previous semester out of state, my husband’s education, and credit card debt from a vacation or two. Coupled with paying for my both of my children’s home water birth, we have been strapped tight with debt.

 

The first thing my husband started doing to help us is begin consolidating our debt. We were able to take out a bit extra in the student loans to cover some of our credit card debt and our children’s births. The student loans were at lower interest rates, and it allows me to postpone paying of that debt until I’m more financially stable. We have decided to stay in a one bedroom since we have that flexibility. We are in a downstairs unit with a backyard so we are as comfortable as we can afford for the short run.

 

As the years ticked by (I say that, but only 3 have passed), I was able to find cheaper groceries at stores like Aldi, how to make meals, where to find cheap and used baby clothes, and my husband was able to secure a bit of a raise. Even through all of this, he still had to get a second job. That is what being an adult is about though, I guess. Doing what you need to do, even though it isn’t fun or easy.

 

Let’s Climb this Volcano! 

This year I promised that I would spend less time at home and more time in nature. With the beginning of summer quickly approaching, I feel that it is only appropriate to begin planning now. My goal is to take 1 big trip per month, through September. In doing this I hope to bond more with my family, sharing the true beauty of California outside of the city.
Our first trip will be to Amboy, California. I’d never heard of this place until I started doing research. Located in San Bernardino County, Amboy Crater has attracted visitors from near and far. Until the construction of Route 40 in 1973, this was a popular tourist spot for those traveling along historic route 66. Though born and raised in So Cal, I’ve never allowed my inner Louis and Clark to fully develop a hunger for exploration.

Amboy Crater is a 10,000 year old dormant volcano. Yes, you read that right, a volcano.

“Southeast of town lies Amboy Crater, a 246-foot basalt cinder cone. The result of several explosive eruptions, it’s accessible by two main trails — one easy and one difficult — and offers a perspective not only of itself, but also of the Mojave National Preserve and beyond.” (Thanks Desert America for the info).

We will keep you guys updated as the trip gets closer. Yay for fitness!

Any followers ever visit Amboy? Shoot us a comment with your story. We love to hear from our fans.

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Touch my Body By Leigh

It took me 26 years to discover masturbation. I grew up in a world where ‘jerking off’ was common knowledge. The girl version was unheard of; thought it was impossible until I was in my early teens. It never really crossed my pubescent mind to explore my newly developing body. It wasn’t until I had my child that rubbing one out became appealing. My normally active sex life came to a halt!

In 9th grade, I met “J”,my first, while hanging out with my friends before homeroom. He was a short, stocky, fair skinned boy. I say boy not in reference to his sex but in reference to his maturity. Stuck in the middle of my newest faze, I thought his flaming metrosexuality was the exactly what I needed in my emo kid life. He loved me for who I was: the black girl in the tripp pants with the black lips and nails. “J “ was such a sweet guy. It was destined to crash and burn. Oh did I forget to mention he was a Jehovah’s Witness on top of everything. Looking back on it, he liked me because I was a bad girl. Maybe bad isn’t the right word…I don’t know but I was doing all the inappropriate stuff that the other girls weren’t, only with him. I would see all the guys standing around dapping him up when we would get off the bus after my latest “Oops! I dropped my earring!” stunt. I didn’t mind him sharing stories to stimulate their little perverse minds. I was a good girlfriend. I guess this is where I started building the idea “I’m a giver, not a receiver”.

Summer school between 9th and 10th grade was the best time of my life. I took the opportunity to take some extra classes, for the credits and time with my boyfriend. My parents were super strict so school was the only opportunity I had to spend with “J” aside from the few awkward visits to my house that were more like prison visitations. This was the summer that I lost my virginity. After we started exploring oral sex I was ready for the real thing. I had never watched porn. But I had a general idea.

The day before we planned to skip classes so that we could hang out. Our teacher didn’t show up the day of so we didn’t have to skip classes. In the morning there were about 20 students hanging out in the makeshift lunch area surrounded by bungalows. The green metal lunch tables were the best place to sprawl out with your friends but at 11:00am they were a ghost town. “J” and I sat in the area quiet. We sat facing each other, straddling the bench, talking. Before I knew it, I was mounting him, the first of many times. It was so exhilarating. We could have gotten caught like his friend did with her boyfriend in the chemistry lab. But we didn’t. It was destiny!

For the next 10 months, we practiced voyeurism. I didn’t even know that was a thing. The school bus, locker room, men’s restroom at the local community college, homeroom…I could go on and on. Eventually things got boring for me, too serious for him. When he mentioned getting married, that’s when I knew it was time to break up. Plus I had found another cock to ride…that I wanted to ride. I am not a cheater.

The next summer I got accepted into a program at UCLA for over achievers. I was so excited. “J” didn’t apply to the program so I wouldn’t have to see him the entire summer. Or so I thought. One day, walking on campus with my new friends I noticed  a familiar face staring at me through the crowd. “J” walked toward me, sweating profusely with a smile on his face.

“I missed you. So I took the bus.”

I just wanted him to go home. I couldn’t risk him being seen by the new guy that I was eyeing. We had a quick lunch before I rushed him on a bus, which I payed for. That evening I ended our relationship over AIM (for those that are too young, that’s a old messenger program through AOL).

Four weeks later I was in a new relationship with the guy that I was eyeing in summer school. “C” is probably the best boyfriend I’ve ever had (not compared to my fiance). He always reciprocated in every way. This is how I started to discover myself. We were at the movies, sitting in the back like every other teen couple. “C” slid his hand down my pants and into my undies. I felt a powerful feeling overcome my entire body, making me groan loudly. What is this?! “J” didn’t touch me like that!

Of course, this relationship did not last. We broke up. Had an affair, which involved Everclear, Xanax and a hotel by LAX. Don’t ask, but needless to say, things got CRAZY. However, “C” helped me discover the little man in the boat.

Fast forward nine years later, I found myself with a child and engaged. Very happy. All mommies know, if anything is stressed in your relationship, it’s your sex life after a child. Before, my significant other and I would have sex nearly everyday. There was a huge change! I know my fiance pleasures himself, life every man, admitted or not. My pent up sexual frustration was making me absolute BITCH. So I put on my big girl panties and purchased a vibrator. I felt like I went to IKEA, purchased the biggest contraption and was ready to build it…in the dark. I was that lost.

My new best friend? Google. I searched the internet top and bottom until I found a sight that I could trust. It provided me with more than enough information (didn’t know that pillow humping was a thing) to get me from point A to B. It took a few failed attempts before I discovered the key to my lock. Don’t be ashamed. Every woman is not the same and what works for me, may not work for you. But for me, masturbation is GREAT. Even though my fiance and I can’t always be intimate, I can take care of myself.

I’m a big girl now. 

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